i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
