Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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