dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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