dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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