Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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