Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
