dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
