yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
