ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
