Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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