i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like giving head to a cactus.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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