So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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