Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
