you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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