I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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