someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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