is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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