Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
