brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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