considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Send help, water and tortillas.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
