everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
