I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
