theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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