you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
