I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
