oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Can I color on your dick again?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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