So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
