It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
