Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
