The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
