is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
