You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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