I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
