i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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