You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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