): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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