My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
