Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
