tell your sister to shave her snatch
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
