dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
