Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
