this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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