There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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