you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
