i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
