Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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