im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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