Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
