I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think I just sharted jello shots
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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