i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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