Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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