Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
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Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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