I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
