I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
