she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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