You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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