So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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