these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
