its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
