Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Sober January is a disaster.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
