If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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