you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
