I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
