Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Boobs are out for the taking
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
