Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
