My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
