Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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