apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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