Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
