fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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