You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
