It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
