Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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