Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
