I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
