I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
