Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
