it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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