we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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