I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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