She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
