i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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