tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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