I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
