I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
