some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
